It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
