once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
