Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
