New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize