when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
