i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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