she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
