are you still at the devil's house?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
