I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
