dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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