Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
