So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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