do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
