i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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