just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
