Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can I color on your dick again?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
