think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
