i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
