Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
