My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
