Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
