i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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