guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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