i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
