I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
