Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize