My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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