I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
