I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
