the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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