i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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