If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm always down for nudity.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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