How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
