just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
