I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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