accomplished twins. life is a go
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
