I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
