cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
well most of my day revolves around power hour
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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