you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
