were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
