i dont even know how to be here
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
