White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
