I wish my penis had an off switch
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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