I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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