When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
