Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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