im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
