he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
