New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
