if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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