non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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