i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
