I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
