yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
