Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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