I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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