I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
