U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
