There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
