I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
