Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
