Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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