I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
