Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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