Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
