U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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