I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
