Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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