So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
