Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
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im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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