hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
