I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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