Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
