It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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