oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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