You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize