capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
