Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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