I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
