Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
