so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
