the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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