Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
