New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
