Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
