Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
