turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
