We're facebook friends in real life
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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