Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
