Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So here I am, sexting at work.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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