and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
